…It Wasn’t Glamorous

For most of my life, I believed that strength meant shrinking. Shrinking my body, my voice, my needs. I thought if I could just lose the weight, tone the muscle, hit the next goal, then I’d feel proud of myself. Then I’d be lovable. Sadly, when the scale dropped and the compliments came, I felt hollow. Because none of it lasted - not the motivation, not the pride, not the peace. I was chasing worth like it lived five pounds from now.

What changed wasn’t a number or a mirror, what changed was me. It happened the day I decided to stop punishing myself and start showing up for myself. Not in the loud, dramatic, all-or-nothing way I was used to. But in quiet, daily choices that said, “I care about you. I’m not leaving you behind anymore.” It started small. Resting in the quiet of the morning, instead of getting you and pushing myself to my limits. Taking walks because they cleared my mind, not because they burned calories. Listening to my body when I was tired, not pushing harder out of guilt. Journaling. Resting. Moving. Saying no. Saying yes. Eating in a way that nourished, not numbed. I stopped treating myself like a project and started treating myself like a person, like someone I loved.

It wasn’t glamorous. There were no dramatic before and after photos. But what I found was so much deeper. I found peace. I found strength - not in how much I could lift, but in how gently I could hold myself through hard days. I found joy in movement, in stillness, in food, in boundaries, in being me, as I am. I found trust in the woman I’m becoming because I finally learned to keep my own promises. I didn’t become stronger by changing my body, I became stronger by showing up for me, day after day, without conditions. I learned what I ultimately wanted was to show up for me, to care for myself so that I can move better both in the present day and when I am older.